days go passing by

So the Aloha from Austin entry was supposed to lead to the Howdy from Hawaii one, but it never materialized. I’ve been thinking a lot, and the time on the cruise gave me ample fodder and opportunity for pages and pages… and yet nothing gets down. I guess it’s because mostly nothing has really grabbed me by the collar and shook me till I had to get it out.
I can’t sleep. For the first (extended) time since my wedding I find myself back with the racing thoughts that keep me up. Debbie gets me up early, or at least earlier than is my habit. We do the car park ballet in the mornings so Kayla can get off to school. After that, I’m pretty much up and at the email between the spurts of preparing for the day I go through till I’m out the door about 9:00 or 9:30. Today was a good one. At 7:30 I found a hit in the morning logs from work that showed a university ip address probing my machine. I confirmed it through several machines that were open to the world and one that refused because it is closed. I composed a short notice to the Institutional Security Office (ISO) and said we’d been probed and gave the originating ip address. As an afterthought I did a host translation on the name and it showed it came through the ip space run by ISO itself. Here’s where my laziness kicks in. I figure it’s got to be some sort of test, but as I’ve gone through the trouble of composing the email after verifying the threat I feel it would be wasted if I just chucked it, so I sent it. I found out from Guy later that Joe had sent a notice out that we were going to be probed as a test from ISO. I don’t remember seeing that email, maybe it got block-deleted as we got off the cruise. I did get a nice note back from jonzy (link redacted) telling me it was ok, and that my prompt attention would be duly noted.
Anyway, up early and not sleeping till well after midnight kind of has me on the rocks. The cruise was very nice. It used to be that whenever I got like this, I’d head for the ocean. There’s something about just sitting and watching all that water that draws out whatever is ailing me, and being on a ship in the middle of it was even better. Probably dropping everything else in the world for two weeks helped, also. I read a really good book which gave me lots to think about while I just sat on the tail of the ship. By the last few days I felt like a totally different person. Maybe it felt a lot like I did when I was 25 or so. I seemed purposeful and full of promise. Now I’m back and it feels a lot like I missed the train or something. I’m back at the same job I’ve been working for over seven years. Not that it’s a bad thing. I think this job is good for me, but lately I’m wondering if I wouldn’t grow more elsewhere.
So much happened that I want to write about, but I’m just not in the mood for writing. I’m tempted to Excerpt it all here, but that seems cop-out’ish. Were it not for friends and family I think I would seek a change of venue. Not that I think I could find a niche in Hawaii, but closer to the ocean would be nice. Besides, after living in paradise how could you go on (or even visit) elsewhere? Kauai was heart-breakingly beautiful. The ocean was warm. There are chickens everywhere.